Why I’m happy that this story made me cry

I just read this post on The Mighty about a woman’s encounter with Robin Williams before he died by suicide just over two years ago.

It’s an absolutely incredible and heartbreaking and then heart warming story, which of course made me cry. A lot.

I cried when I first heard Robin Williams had died, partly because I was in a really bad place myself at the time, but also because, it was Robin Williams! I hadn’t been diagnosed at the time so I didn’t fully understand the feelings I had about his death, except that I had been thinking about suicide a lot around that time.

But what really got me about reading this story was the fact that I cried!

If I’d read this story two months ago, or maybe even two weeks ago, it would not have got me the same way. I mean I would have definitely been touched by it, but it would have been so deep. I was too numb.

The last few days, I’ve noticed the numbness beginning to lift. I’m still very physically and mentally exhausted, but I’m beginning to feel again, and for some reason that feels really good.

I used to hate how naturally emotional I was. I felt like I had no control over my emotions. But now, I long to have those emotions back! I read all kinds of heartbreaking and heartwarming stories while I was in the midst of the numbness and I was completely shocked when I first realized how I was responding to them – or rather, how I was not responding.

But now, here I am, having cried only a few moments ago, reading this story, and crying more because I was crying.

I’m happy that I cried because it means I’m learning to human again.

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