Trauma

“It is my opinion that trauma occurs in an environment where your feelings and emotional experience are not valued, heard and understood. The specific event is not the cause of traumatic experience.”

^ ^ ^ This!!!!!!!!! OMG!

Lady Gaga Shares Open Letter About Her Experience With Mental Illness and PTSD
By Jordan Davidson, Editor, The Mighty

Immediately what came to mind was the shit that happened with Dreamstalk. I was extremely traumatized by it. I’ve believed that for some time, but I don’t bring talk about it because no one thinks it was that big of a deal.

People are assholes. Move on.

Yeah, thanks.

I’ve never heard trauma explained in this way before, and it makes perfect sense. I was even having flashbacks for months after the whole thing was over, reliving each conversation and every overwhelming emotion all at once.

At the last session of my CBT group, last year, after I thought I had moved on, they read a story from the workbook that had one very small detail similar to my experience that triggered it for the first time in probably a month. Everything came flooding back so intensely I thought I was going to die right there in front of everyone.

I managed to hold everything in and no one seemed to notice. If I was going to lose it anywhere, in an anxiety group with a social worker and a mental health nurse would have been the place to do it. But I didn’t want to deal with it in that moment, I just wanted to leave, so I fought as hard as I could to hold on, knowing the session was almost over. I hid my teary face under my hair, starting at my workbook, tapping my pen, and managed to calm down when the topic was changed. At the end of the session, I cried in my car for several minutes before I could go home. I told my social worker like 6 months later. Even though he’d been sitting right next to me when it happened, and talked to me briefly while I tried to escape, he hadn’t noticed anything was wrong.

The article also mentioned “Somatization,” a term I’d never heard before. I looked it to and realized that it’s something I’ve definitely struggled with as well.

Somatization is a tendency to experience and communicate psychological distress in the form of somatic symptoms and to seek medical help for them. More commonly expressed, it is the generation of physical symptoms of a psychiatric condition such as anxiety.

~ Wikipedia

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