The Truth About OCD

All the time, you hear people say things like that they are “so OCD” because they are picky about things being super organized and tidy. That is not what OCD is. That can be one symptom of OCD, but it definitely doesn’t need to be present for someone to have OCD.

One of the other more commonly known symptoms of OCD is fear of contamination, leaving to the compulsion to watch one’s hands a lot and/or avoid touching certain things. This is something I struggle with. It’s always been minor, but I’ve noticed it getting increasingly worse over the past couple years.

But again, that is only one symptom of OCD.

OCD is much more complicated than most people realize.

Take a look at this article (or at least the video): Pure OCD: When logic is overthrown by nightmare-like thoughts

I can’t remember how I found but that’s the reason I came across the article.

** Trigger Warning: Suicide, self harm, violence **

I do struggle with intrusive thoughts, mostly about killing myself or doing certain things to myself that are dangerous, but less likely to kill me. Sometimes about bad, unintentional, things happening to people or myself. Attacking someone out of pure rage, even though I know I would be terrible at it because I don’t know the first thing about fighting or self defense or anything. I’m not a violent person.

I used to think that my suicidal thoughts were purely the result of me feeling so completely overwhelmed that I don’t know how to get out of a situation any other way, which they often are, but sometimes, even when I’m not feeling that low, I still get the intrusive thoughts about driving off a bridge; crossing the center line when another car is coming towards me; or taking that really sharp knife, the one that terrifies me because it is apparently sharp enough to cut off a finger, in my parents’ kitchen and using it to slice open my arm, up the middle, from my wrist to my elbow, or my thigh, like that one murderer on Dexter.

The urge to act on these thoughts usually isn’t strong enough for me to do anything, but they are definitely scary, especially when I don’t feel like I’m under any kind of threat, but they’re still there. They have led me to self harm, probably as a way to keep the thoughts at bay. A small cut with blood trickling out of it has often been enough to make the other thoughts go away. At least for a while.

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