I just wanted to write a quick post because I can’t properly explain myself on Twitter. As much as I want to, I will more than likely not be staying up all night tonight.

I didn’t push my fundraising for One Brave Night this year as much as I did last year, mainly because the last couple weeks have been really difficult.

As I’ve written on here before, the past few months haven’t been easy. I’ve gone through what has been the most severe depressive episode I have ever experienced. It came on gradually, starting some time in May or June. I didn’t realize it was happening until sometime in July. I initially thought it was just a bit of a down period, which is totally normal, but it just kept getting worse, peaking in September.

While things have started getting better over the past few months, I’m still struggling, especially with my motivation and energy.

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I’m up to episode 5 of season 9 of Smallville. About an hour or so ago, I got past that threshold where I stopped being sleepy and became more awake. But now it’s gone and I’m super sleepy now. I have to keep getting up and walking around to keep myself awake. Another thing that’s helping is stretching a muscle I strained a couple days ago. The pain wakes me up a bit! lol

(I fell onto my aunt and uncles car from a shitty plastic deck chair  at our hotel in Kirkland Lake, that had clearly been left outside through multiple winters and summers.)

According to Google the sun will rise at 5:53am where I am. It’s 5:25 now, so I’m almost there!! Will probably get thought this episode of Smallville that I just started and then hopefully there will be enough light for my sunrise selfie, and then I am going to take a nice long nap!

The last couple hours have gone by slow. I’m tired!! If this was any other week I’d be fine right no use, but…..ahhh….

Here’s what I’ve been watching:

  • Arrow, Monument Point (May 11 – PVR)
  • New Girl, Dress (May 3 – Google Play)
  • New Girl, Return to Sender (May 3 – Google Play) – which was really funny until Schmidt’s dad said, “I’m a little OCD,”  and then I couldn’t enjoy it anymore. One of my favourite shows, ruined by one line.
  • Now I’m on Smallville, S9 E1

I thought maybe I would start logging what I’m doing to keep myself awake. So far, my plan is to catch up on some shows on my PVR and probably stream some Netflix and/or CraveTV.

I’ve been watching Smallville on CraveTV over the past couple weeks. I’ve got two seasons left. But because I’ve been so into that show, I’ve been neglecting my regular cable shows, so my PVR has been accumulating a lot of stuff.

After I got home from dinner with my parents, I started on my PVR. Here’s what I’ve watched so far:

  • Last night’s episode of The Big Bang TheoryThe Convergence Convergence.

I’ve got a few episodes of Arrow and The Flash to catch up on…

  • ArrowCanary Cry (April 27)
  • The FlashRupture (May 3)
  • Now I’m on Arrow, Genesis (May 4)

Once I’m caught up on Arrow and The Flash, I’ve got a couple movies on Google Play I’ll probably watch, and I’m going to catch up on Orphan Black. I’m very sad to admit that I’ve fallen behind on it. Before this season, the only episodes I ever missed were because I was away at Calgary Expo two years in a row when the show aired on Saturdays.

To be honest, I think the reason I’ve fallen behind this season of Orphan Black, and all my other favourite shows, is because I’ve sort of lost interest in a lot of things lately. I’m not entirely sure if it’s been due to stress or my depression acting up. It’s hard to say because my antidepressants are helping. Getting into Smallville was kind of the only thing I had any desire to do.

On top of that, this week has been especially stressful.

The company I currently work for, puts on a big industry conference every year, and that took place this Monday and Tuesday. However, late last week, my uncle Ted (technically my dad’s uncle) passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer. His funeral was this week. So, after helping with setup and the start of the event on Monday in Niagara Falls, I drove 8 hours to Kirkland Lake on Tuesday. Attended the second visitation that evening.

The funeral was Wednesday morning. The afternoon and evening  was spent hanging out with family. Thursday, I left to come back home to Niagara. On the drive back, I got stuck in traffic at Gravenhurst, where there were several grass fires.

Eventually, I did get home, and went back to work, completely exhausted, today. So, I may need some help staying awake tonight. I’ve stocked up on coffee and snacks, and I think I have enough stuff to keep me occupied, so we’ll see how it goes.

If I’m awake enough come morning, I might go on an early morning drive to take my sunrise selfie in a special spot. I’ve got a couple in mind, but I think one of them might be too long of a drive if I’m not awake enough. I’ll play it by ear.

CAMH One Brave Night for Mental Health

The other day, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and came across a post about a fundraising  event that CAMH is running called One Brave Night for Mental Health. There’s less than 2 weeks left, but I felt like it was a very important thing, and I had no choice but to participate.

What is ‘One Brave Night’?

People living with mental illness tell us nighttime is the hardest for them. It is in the darkness that they feel most alone and have the least amount of hope.

CAMH One Brave Night for Mental Health asks Canadians to bravely share one night to inspire hope for the 1 in 5 people who will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.

We challenge the country to stay up all night and fundraise in order to defeat mental illness. You can create your own all-night challenge and get together with friends and family to marathon-watch your favourite series, host a board game tournament, or go camping and stay up wishing on stars.

At dawn, participants will post their #sunriseselfies to stand in support of those living with mental illness.

See more info on the One Brave Night website.

It’s kind of funny that I haven’t actually heard this about people with mental illness finding nighttime the hardest part of the day, but now that I think about it, it really is. I find a certain amount of calm to it.

When I want to get things done, it’s easiest for me to do when the rest of the world is quiet. But at the same time, it’s also when my mind is the loudest. The times when my pain has been the worst has always been at night. Or simply when I’m alone. I think the reason for that is because when I’m around people, I have a distraction from my own mind. I can be enjoying myself one moment, and the second everyone leaves, I get sucked into the dark abyss of my thoughts. Worries. Regrets.

Support Me & CAMH

One Brave Night occurs on May 13th, which isn’t very far away. I, along with many others across Canada, will be staying up all night. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do during that time yet, but I’ll more than likely be on Twitter all night. And then in the morning, I will be taking a sunrise selfie. (The one part I’m not looking forward to, but I’m going to do it!)

My initial goal, which was the default set when I created my account was $150. In two days I’m already at $200, so I’ve increased my goal to $350.

Even if you can only help a small amount, $5 would be wonderful! It’s going towards a great cause. And as someone who deals with mental health issues on a daily basis, it would mean the world to me personally to see support going to all kinds of mental health initiatives in Canada.

If you would like to contribute, and help me reach my fundraising goal, please donate by going to my One Brave Night for Mental Health page: give.camh.ca/goto/keira

Mental Health Week

Finding out about CAMH One Brave Night for Mental Health also comes at the perfect time, because this coming week, May 2-8, is the CMHA’s 65th Annual Mental Health Week.

Last year I had planned to post several articles talking about different mental illnesses, in attempt to spread awareness, but ended up putting so much pressure on myself that I couldn’t do it at all. This year, I’ve been so busy with my new job that I’ve found it very difficult to make time for myself, let alone time to actually sit down and write coherent posts on my blog. May snuck up on me really quickly.

I’ll try to post a few things this week, but I’m not making any guarantees, and I am certainly not putting pressure on myself to do it either.