Medication Diaries: Noticing Changes

As with when I first began taking antidepressants and with previous increases, I noticed some changes to my thought processes and emotions about 2 weeks in. In the past, dosage adjustments have ended up feeling like they weren’t having any effect on me after a while. I’ve only been on this dose for about 2.5 weeks, so the effect could still increase and my body may still require more time to adjust to it.

That said, I have noticed over the last 3 or 4 days, a significant decrease in the amount and severity of anxious thoughts. I have found that I am not worrying constantly about things that I generally worry about. I still have the same feelings towards social interactions, like just generally wanting to avoid them and not wanting to participate in things, but I am still an introvert at my core. However, I’m not thinking and worrying about those situations quite as much before they occur, or even after.

I actually found myself trying to think of something I am currently worried about and I couldn’t. I mean, I am still dealing with a situation that caused me a huge amount of stress and worry, but I’m far less worried about how it is going to turn out and how it is effecting me. I do want it to just be over so I don’t have to deal with it anymore, but I think I have finally accepted that it is happening and that it will not be resolved in the way I would like, but it will be settled soon.

Something that is particularly troubling to me is that in my head, I’m feeling certain emotions (mainly towards the current stressful situation mentioned earlier) rather strongly, and feel the urge to want to cry about it, but can’t. There were a couple times where I did actually manage to produce a few tears and even sobs, but it stopped in less than a minute each time.

I was worried at first that my emotions were shutting off again, but then realized that I am laughing at jokes on TV. Although, immediately after I stop laughing I go back to feeling sort of dull. So a part of me is wondering how genuine my happy feelings are because they don’t stick around very long. But at the same time, my sad and angry feelings aren’t really there so much anymore. I do get annoyed and irritated quite easily, but not as strongly as I’m used to and it doesn’t hang around as long as normal. So I guess that’s a good sign.

I think right now, its just going to be a matter of waiting for my brain to adjust a bit more before I decide whether I like how it is making me feel. On top of that, the current situation I’m dealing with has clearly been messing with my emotions, so I need to wait for it to be over before I know for sure how the dosage change is effecting me.

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